Thursday, March 28, 2013
Frustrated
I don't know where to go from here.
Friday, March 8, 2013
At a standstill
My pill cam came back and showed ulcers in the ileum and lower intestines, but for some reason that particular area is very difficult to treat. My doctor does not believe that it makes me a candidate for surgery, which would be my next option. . So now I'm stuck.
He is considering switching me from remicade to humira now, but the thought of how bad those shots are going to hurt is killing me.
I have absolutely no energy. I mean, I literally wake up, and then feel like I haven't slept in a week. It's just getting old.
I feel like I am at a complete standstill with my health now.
I sleep all day, eat and then sleep some more. That's no way for anyone to live their life. I'm ready for this to get better so I can resume a normal life.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
The latest
Wow, so a lot has gone on with me lately, which is why there was such a gap between updates.
To begin with, my stress has been off the charts dealing with a select number of things, and it really just broke me down to the point where I just had to shut everything off and regather myself.
I've found out the hard way that if you spend all your time and energy on trying to please others, and make others happy, you wear yourself down. It is literally impossible to make everyone happy. The sooner you realize this, the easier focusing on making you happy becomes.
Now I am just trying to heal and make me happy.
I think that this time being by myself (and essentially cut off from the world) has dramatically reduced some of my daily stresses. Its the necessary step that God made me take that I would not of been able to do on my own. I needed a break from a lot, but was too busy trying to be a people pleaser to consider my own well-being.
Now, I have no choice. I am literally at the point now that I barely have enough energy to go to the mailbox. I'm the tiredest I've ever been.
However, there may possibly be a light at the end of this long dark tunnel for me. Next Friday, I will find out what my camera endoscopy showed, and hopefully get some answers as to what all is really going on.
Its just so frustrating that at 20 yrs old, I can't go out to clubs with my friends and I can't do anything that requires a lot of walking, or prolonged standing. It really just takes a huge part of my lively hood away.
My mother wants me to just stay in and rest all the time, because she can see how tired and weak I am, but its just so hard for me to do nothing when there's so much I want to do and accomplish. It really is a sad situation that a lot of people don't get to see or know about. Chrons has taken almost every aspect of living away from me, and I'm sure I'm not alone in this.
Anyway, that's about all of my recent rants and complaints, but I will try my best to update more frequently.